Sodexo Announces Flavored Paper Straws

Bo Wen Zhu

After an eight-month market research program involving lengthy surveys and involuntary interviews, Sodexo has just announced an exciting new product that will appear in our school later this month.
“The study results showed that many of our paper straws are ingested by consumers along with their beverages at rates as high as 94.9%,” said Sodexo’s spokesperson. “Thus, we’ve decided to make that process more enjoyable by giving the paper straws a unique and pleasant taste.”
For the trial run, Sodexo will be testing three of the new flavors at their faux-Starbucks: Lemon, Apple, and Tabasco. When asked about Tabasco, the spokesperson pointed to the high amount of sugar in Starbucks's drinks. “Naturally, the spice complements the sweetness. That works out fine in our kitchens.”
According to reports, the straws will be available upon special request when ordering for an additional cost of $10 starting May 31. The company hopes participants will send relevant feedback with their latest adoption of messenger pigeons, a million dollar investment that has yet to get off the ground.
If successful, Sodexo plans on investing more money in developing new flavors for the next school year. As put by a representative, “With such an innovation, students can’t keep calling us dull and uncreative. We’ll keep finding ways to improve the student experience, all the way down to the last straw.”