Student Literally Sucks Up To Teacher

Emma Pang

Students at HKIS took the term ‘sucking up to teachers’ a bit too far last Friday, having to be surgically removed from some of the unfortunate staff members. Paramedics found themselves at a loss for words when arriving to Hong Kong International School on June 10th after answering a supposedly emergency call.
Chad Chadington (11), a student who was in the classroom during the time, heard fellow student Kelly Kellington (11) complimenting Ms. Morgan Moorgan, saying she was "really going at it". "I think it was 'cause our final's next class. But then after the third time she said "What days does the science club meet? I might join next year!" we heard a scream and when everyone turned to look, there she was. Kelly’s mouth was one hundred percent pretty much glued to Ms. Moorgan’s elbow."
Six similar occurrences happened simultaneously across the school with varying body parts, with one student even attached to his teacher's toes.
Experts have speculated that there must been a "muscle contraction" of some sorts. "This incredible suction power is most likely fueled by a mad jumble of ATP and a burning desire to get As through their sugar-coated mouths." They recommend using bribes and blackmail instead as a healthier option.
This isn’t the first time this has happened at HKIS, but it’s certainly the first time the vicious and aggressive complimenting has become physical. As the school year draws to a close and end of year exams start to accumulate, there’s no surprise that it is this time of the year that has seen the most incidents.