top of page
  • Writer's pictureJunto HKIS

Why You Should Eat the Silica Gel Sachets in Your Food—A Speech

Katherine Ashley Chen, Dante Dorr, and Ryan Hsu

December 5, 2021

Foodies, vegetarians, and all those in between.

You are living a lie.

The mainstream media liberal snowflakes want you to believe what you put in your body is healthy, that the small silica gel sachets in food are toxic and not a flavorful addition to a hard-earned meal.

But that is false.

Utterly, categorically, and undeniably false.

Big Brother has told us time and again to avoid ingesting particles of silicon dioxide, but can you really trust companies run by the neoliberal fascist elites?

The Machine has drilled the idea into our heads that these pacakets are “toxic” and “potentially fatal”, backed up by weird nerdy science stuff, but can you really trust a society run by bald billionaires (jeff bezos) who don’t care about us?

I am but a simple laywoman who goes to work in a pickup truck, American flag hoisted high and unafraid of getting her boots dirty.

I am just like you. I care about you. So please, believe me, lend me an honest 2 minutes to hear what I have to say.

Contrast this to the character of our government.

They spin a vast and vile conspiracy that only seeks to further their own agenda at the cost of us, simple red-blooded Americans.

Don’t you remember MK-Ultra, Abu Ghraib, and the Tuskegee experiments? Is this the authority that you trust? But they are our leaders, and so we must trust them.

Aren’t you skeptical of politicians that are so willing to turn their back on us, like when they mandated vaccines? But they are our leaders, and so we must trust them.

They are not trustworthy. They are not helpful. They want to hurt you.

So, for your own sake, don’t place an ounce of trust in them. When they say “don’t eat the silica gel packets”, what you should be hearing is this: “the uncaring fascists want to deprive of a tasty, true American treat.”

Some may argue that this is pointless, that there is no loss to being a sheep to this degrading Nazi agenda.

So what have we lost?

Our freedom. Our righteous, American freedom. Our freedom to eat silica gel packets if so damn well please.

“The land of the free.” *snorts* How ironic!

Instead, we are confined, constrained, and cooped up in a cage, where they control what we can or cannot put into our bodies. Our own bodies! How is this just? How is this fair?

Is this not exactly like the abortion cases going on around the United States?

It is a question of freedom, the freedom for a child to live.

If you won’t allow us to eat silica gel packets, you hate babies.

But we also lose something much more important than freedom. It is very yummy yummy.

Not only is silicone dioxide tasty and nutritious, it also provides release from the perils of reality that is forced upon you by the dangerous elite.

The silicon in the silicon dioxide reacts with the acid in your stomach to form methamphetamines, a pleasure inducing chemical compound which is extremely pleasurable and highly legal.

Take me, for example, I have eaten 481 packs of silica gel in the past three weeks, and I am 100% psychologically healthy. I’ve never been more psychologically stable!

The silico dioxide is very yummy when touch taste buds. I think it can be being yummy.

But if there’s only one sentence that you must remember from this speech, remember this: the elites do not love you; I love you. So eat the silica packet. I command you. I think it can be very yummy in my tummy.

Image Credit to Healthline

1 Comment

Om Melwani
Om Melwani
Apr 17, 2023


bottom of page